getting to know me

I hardly have a minute to write.
I'm sitting in the Wilk and a friend is coming to find me soon.
I actually might not even publish this right now, but I will later.
but... i noticed something.
Every time I make a friend, like a real friend, someone that I love and love for a long time (usually forever, you know?), we have that talk that all friends have a few months after meeting and deciding that they love to be together. It's the "what I thought when I first met you, " talk.

Lauren and I just had that talk.
The results weren't very good, and for some reason they hardly ever are. How can it be that those who love me most hardly ever like me to begin with? I remember Brooke said that she thought I wasn't socially awkward, but socially retarded. Okay, well, I can deal with that. Not to sound cliche, but nobody knows me, at least not until they try to.

I like to think that I judge people pretty well, I meet them and think "I could like this person." or I don't think that. or I think the opposite of that: I will never like this person.
I usually do alright in that aspect, especially when I judge girls. (Boys, I can't help it, but I am often distracted by their appearance.)

There was a girl in our FHE group last year that I could not stand from almost the moment I met her. I decided I disliked her and treated her as an anti-friend. Then as I got to know her I felt guilty and tried to be a better person, you know, more loving, accepting, and kind.
That attempt failed quickly and not because I didn't try, but because she really was the type of person that I don't get along with at all.
Now we work at the same place. We never work the same shift, but last week I picked up the shift of a friend, and had to work in the same vicinity as this girl. I told myself to be good, kind, and loving.
I couldn't do it. She's as crazy as always.
I knew from the little tiny picture of Lauren on her facebook that I would probably like her, and from the EXTREME PINK bedding of three of my other summer roommates that they were probably too crazy for my taste. I knew from Lana's Beatles and Audrey Hepburn posters that I would probably like her, although Lana admited when she met me she thought I was weird.
The people who think they like me right away usually change their minds. Like my roommate, Camille, for the first few weeks of summer she wanted to be my best friend. Hang out. Take me to her family's place. Hang out with my friends. That died quickly.

I try to be myself. All the time.
But is it that some people realize I really am being myself, when they thought I'd get better, and others thought it was an act and it was stupid, until they realized it was real?
I dont know what I show to unfamilar faces.