I hate school

I feel like a child saying that, but it's true.
It has always been true.

I used to cry in the nurses office for hours every week in Elementary school, trying to get sent home.
Yes, there have been many classes, individual classes, that I've loved.
Like Novel or Yearbook in high school.
Chemistry, both in high school and college.
Quite honestly, I loved Alegebra.
I have loved every writing class I've ever taken at BYU. LOVED it. Never wanted to stop.

I love to read, and write and just learn.
But I hate school. I hate tests, grades, group-projects, absence policies, required credits and pre-freaking-requisites for classes I want to take merely to TAKE.
It drives me to frustrated cuss-word filled fits of tears.

I have a very low GPA.
I mean, not VERY low, but way lower than anyone I know... my husband got all As last semester and I got an array of Cs, Bs and maybe an A, but I don't remember. That's because I don't care. Grades mean absolutely nothing to me. Even those classes I loved... I doubt I got an A in more than one or two of them, more often I got a C.

I want to take Nutrition because it sounds super interesting and it could help me be healthier.
I want to take Family Finances because then I will understand why I am poor, or what the heck a CD is or maybe how to do my own taxes.
I want to take a computer course on Illustrator because I don't understand how to use it and I want to use it almost daily.

And I can't.
Because I'm the wrong major. Because I could fail and then have an even lower GPA. Because it's not just about learning, it's about everything else that I hate (see the list above).

I had a bit of a melt-down today when I learned that I might not actually get to graduate when I thought I did because maybe I couldn't take summer classes due to Africa.

"I hate school!" I yelled at Travis (poor Travis gets the brunt of my melt-downs.) "I don't want to be here any longer than I have to! I just want to get out!"
"So quit!" He may have yelled, but I doubt it. He's not the yelling type. "Just quit school and find a job."

and the thing that I hate most about school is that I can't quit.
I can't just decide that I am done. I need to have a college-degree to survive in this world.
and really, to face myself. So I can at least say, "you got through that hell-hole, Becky. You did it."
I just have one year left.

One year.
One itty bitty little year.
Just one seventeenth of my schooling left.

And I'm done until parent-teacher conferences with my kids come around.
And I can't stop counting down the days.