The Pitch

Authors often claim that they spend more time working on their pitch than on their entire story.
Thus after one night of working on a pitch, I am positive it is finished.

Wait. I mean... not finished.
But here's the outline for a pitch (two versions, even though they're basically the same.)
Version 1:
First sentence: Set-up the story
Second sentence: The HOOK!
Third sentence: The resolution.

Version 2:
First sentence: Introduce the character
Second sentence: Introduce his/her problem
Third sentence: What he/she learns.

So here's my pitch: (It's not so great.)

Left home alone by her working mother and absent father, Margaret is resigned to spend summer vacation being bossed around by her little sister Laurie. But after new neighbors move in and the fort burns down, the sisters each have to face the thing they fear most. For Margaret that’s the possibility that her sister could abandon her the way their dad did, and she has to learn to stand up for herself, whatever the cost.

Does it make you want to read my book? For those of you have read it (yes, mom, lana and suzie) does it sum up my book?

Give my your criticism!