Poor Travis.
Poor Lauren, Lana, and Sophie.
I am a weepy, blotchy-faced friend if ever they had one.
Today I felt sad. I started getting teary-eyed in Shakespeare while writing homesick poetry. (Stop judging me now, I know how pathetic I am, and that’s the first step.)
Then I walked to Travis’s work.
Midway through my first sentence I lost it.
I sat in his office and sniffled and wiped my eyes for the first half hour I was there.
For the last half-hour I broke down and sobbed.
Then we went to Travis’s house, where I was somewhat more composed.
But I ate a lot of food.
Then to my home, where Lana, Lauren, and Sophie snuggled me, and hugged me, and didn’t make me feel bad for crying at all.
We watched Finding Neverland, and all sobbed together. We went to Macaroni Grille and found that getting a 3 dollar cup of soup, and eating free bread is MORE than filling.
Then home for chocolate.
Home to see Paige.
And the reading aloud of Walt Whitman.
The playing of the guitar and the cursing of finals.
I haven’t been home in well over a year. I probably won’t be home any time soon.
That’s what made me cry today.
For apparently the first time, I realized that when I left home after my senior year of high school, I was signing myself away to maybe a life time elsewhere.
It never occurred to me that I might be leaving forever.
I always assumed that I’d return to raise my babies after a few years around the country or abroad.
But the more I think about it, the less I can believe that I’ll go home again.
This post may seem familiar.
That’s because every time the seasons change, I wish I were in Minnesota.
Spring in Utah means that it’s still winter mixed with summer with weird temperature everyday. There is grey, drizzly rain, and all the trees are blossoming.
Spring in Minnesota means the snow is dirty and melting. There are heavy thunderstorms, and the lakes are melting. The fields are green, and so is everything else, and there are birds making babies in the field behind my house.
The differences are slight, but it’s enough to make me sob all day.
I want to be home.
That’s all.
What would I do without the friends who keep me happy?
4 comments:
This is not pathetic, Beck.
I hope you are feeling better...
I love you.
I haven't missed home yet, but I know I will in May. Every year I would drive around Wright County in May utterly mesmerized by the simple beauty. It is the time of year when the tall grass shoots up out of the dry brown remnants of last year. Each blade has one side electric green and the other silver sage. When the wind blows, waves of alternating color sweep across the fields. That green only lasts a few weeks before it becomes the deep lush color of full summer. May is when the Lilacs bloom. Lilacs are your mothers flower, and so I love lilacs. Friends gather in the middle of the street and visit, like we haven't seen each other in months. Yes, we live next door, but somehow visiting outside while the cool lawn makes your toes cold while the strengthening sun makes your shoulders hot engenders feelings of kinship and warmth. "We have survived another winter!" It is only a few weeks until we complain about the humidity.
Today is a spring day here, the sun is shining, it will be 70, we need rain to clean up the streets but it is starting to get green. The birds wake me each morning with their wonderful songs outside my window. Sometimes I think 4:30 a.m. is a little early to wake but the sounds are worth it, and I can always go back to sleep when the birds go off to eat an are quiet again. Yesterday I sat on the patio and ate my lunch, it was so wonderful, I think winter has finally given up and now we will be warm again. I wish you were here to share the spring with me. If you drove to VA instead of flying you could stop and visit, but then you might not ever get to your other Grandma's house. Love you ! and now smile, remember, only you can make you happy.
My sympathies, freind. Sometimes I feel sad when I think about home too...
But, if it makes you feel any better, I really like your style fo writing!
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