Yesterday Lauren and I watched the director's commentary of Pride and Prejudice.
That movie is so beautiful. Beautiful music and outstanding cinematography. It's not real, it's not like life, but it's not supposed to be. It is filmed like a dream. It feels like a dream to watch.
I love dreaming.
When Elizabeth is walking through Darcy's home Georgiana begins to play the song that was played at the beginning of the film in Elizabeth's house.
"We decided to use the same song, instead a new one," said the director, "because Elizabeth is falling in love, and it feels like going home."
I want to go home, and I don't mean falling in love. I mean home. I know I just got to spent time with my family, but they are not at home.
I want Minnesota. I want there to be snow, it's flippin' DECEMBER. It was in the sixties yesterday. I disapprove.
I want my boys. So much.
Yesterday I talked to Elias over Skype (I worship the invention of the webcam) for two and a half hours, then I got offline and cried. Then I watched Pride and Prejudice. Then I fell alseep imagining circumstances under which Lauren (and Lana, even though she claims she doesn't want to come) and I go home. To my home, to Buffalo.
I have started signing on to iChat as soon as I get home from school everyday. I know who will be on. Burns, Marc, maybe Heather. Always Tony, but we were never friends and I don't ever talk to him. Every few days I start texting Brad and Magee again.
I need them. I want to be in Minnesota. I love BYU, but if I loved it even slightly less than I do, I would probably transfer to the U of M.
The sad thing is, I will not be in Minnesota over Christmas. If I do get a chance to go home (something I WILL make happen) it won't be until the break, I'm sure, between Winter and Spring semester.
I know I can probably wait five months, but it will have been well over a year since seeing most of my boys. Longest is Magee, who I haven't seen since Christmas, and who won't be back from Tulane by April.
I know that it's selfish of me, but I want them to come out here over summer. They promised they would last year, didn't they? That certainly didn't happen.
Then at least I can have some home with me.
But really. I need to go back.
and soon.
1 comment:
sometimes you just sound so dramatic it makes me insane. I feel like you need to be smacked around and welcomed back to reality. oh and thanks for saying "home is not where my family is". I'll remember that and use it against you sometime when you want to come home to me. Do I sound dramatic enough?
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